Stress Also known as the year 2020

 

2020 man....

Who would have guessed? The new year was really fun. We were in Chile, in the coolest house with ALL of Nico's family, partying, actually partying, the kids were asleep in the house, we were in the quincho* music blaring, full DJ equipment thanks to my brother in law who has that in his house apparently? We had food, drinks, dancing, it was great. The next day we lounged by the pool, we watched a movie all cuddled up together the 8 adults with home made popcorn, the kids slept, they played together
during the day. We went to the beach, we cooked awesome meals and ate at 11pm. I drank wine every night, really good Chilean wine. I mean 2020 had ALL THE potential. Back in the states mid January, I planned 6 trips for the upcoming year, a conference away by myself (2 nights in a hotel room by myself!!) I was so excited, vacations and trips, a little get away to Canada with Nico after several years of pregnancy/infancy and no time alone. Things were ok, I had solved my insomnia, learned some new skills, felt good about work and was just waiting for winter to end....

Then March 12th came. And well everyone knows what happened on March 12, the world felt like it was ending.  I mean there was some build up of course, at work each day there were new emails about Covid 19, protocols, cancellations, we started screening people who had traveled to China, then Italy, and the list kept growing, I mean someone should have guessed, it was coming, it was coming hard but I and many other Americans continued to live in our bubbles. I hoped if it came it would be gone by memorial day. 

I can remember the panic I felt that day as the schools closed one by one, every event was cancelled or postponed, broadway closed, they cancelled the rest of the NBA season, every email in my inbox started with "OUT OF AN ABUDANCE OF CONCERN..." it was the new mantra. Wash your hands, don't touch your face. Wash your hands, don't touch your face. We panicked, do we have our nanny come over, who has corona virus, is it everywhere, don't touch the mailbox, should we go outside? It was as we all know, full of STRESS.

A few days later, a friend that I just spent time with in her house 2 days before called me to say she had a fever and a cough and had to go get tested for Covid. I panicked, we all did, googling how long before symptoms are you contagious, what happens if I have it, do I stay home, do I get tested, how long do we have to wait? 

STRESS.

Everytime stress levels felt like they went up, I went out for a walk. It was cold, it was rainy, let's go for a walk. Touch the ground with your feet, look at the trees, breath into your diaphram. Then work changed, we started talking to people on the phone instead of on person, one person after another calling me with panic attacks, lack of sleep, stressed to the max. The reactions were: reliving of trauma, anxiety, stress, fear or relief. For some they felt they had practiced their whole life for this, the social pressure to go out into world was taken away and now they could safely stay home where they liked being anyways. I pulled out old DBT training for panic and starting doing the same list with everyone I talked to. Breath, mindfulness, control, turn off the news, put your head below your heart, come back to today. I started practicing in a new way. I was stressed and yet I had to help others who were also stressed or much worse. I started sharing more of myself then I had previously as a social worker/therapist. I said, I can relate, so this is what I try many times. I kept walking. Free moment, headphones in, kids in the stroller or not, shoes on, go for a walk. Breath, look at the neighborhood, come back to today. Are you actually in danger? No. Do you have food, yes. Is this temporary, yes.

Things changed daily in the beginning, it was so much news, wash then, don't wash this, wear a mask, don't wear a mask, they finally cancelled school for the rest of the year, our daycare didn't reopen, there was a lot of loss. I explained this to my patients, I felt it, my friends felt it, my family who I hadn't seen since February felt it. Loss of expectations, events, for some, loss of life, loss of endings, goodbyes, loss of security. Eventually things slowed down to changing weekly and then their finally became a lull. 

Summer brightened our moods, we ventured into our backyard cautiously allowing the kids to play closer and closer. We listened to science and turned off the media. We made the most of the nice weather and started to feel more normal. Stress was still there waiting in the wings watching us closing, but it would let us have days of normality before creeping back in. 

I took a break from social media. I played games with myself for how long I could stay away from my phone. I made to do lists, tried to clean out each room, small improvements all over the house. I kept walking, and actually started running a lot.

The fall brought more decisions, school or no school, in person or remote, day care? Working crazy long hours for the last 4 months while watching 2 kids had been exhausting we needed a break, but was there one coming? Send our 1 year into the world of masks and unknowns?  The election. Can’t even begin to put that in this post. Breath. Be grateful. Come back to today.

We’ve entered the beginning of winter, the final month of 2020, the pandemic is in some ways worse than ever and yet in many others better than ever. The hospitals know what they’re doing more and have protection, there are testing sites every few miles. The slightest cough at work now and you’re tested, no more waiting a week for a test and a week for a result. There is a lot of pandemic fatigue and this dread of WINTER  IS COMING. The holidays are on zoom and there’s online shopping. No parties, no dates, no friend get together. I hear about a lot of loneliness. Sadness and letting go. My oldest patient just celebrated her 88th birthday we talk about her living to the end of the pandemic. We talk about what she has already lived through.

If you think about you’re life as having survived every thing that’s been thrown at you to this very moment you realize you’re a lot tougher than you think. If you suffer for the things to come that have yet to happen you may end up just suffering twice. I had 9 months of pregnancy followed by a sleepless infant and my own low mood and insomnia to end up in a global pandemic. I moved across the entire planet to be closer to my family and haven’t seen them in over a year. There will be an end and a new beginning. There always is. For now we have today and the people in front of you. For today I have so much.

***Find a way to reduce your stress, it will be the best bet in keeping your immune system healthy which is the most important thing right now. Choose walking, meditation, journaling, a therapist, a zoom friend, a good work out app, group therapy, dancing, music, find your outlet make it a habit and prioritize reducing stress. We are living with more and more everyday and it wears us down and wears off on our children. Put your oxygen mask on first. Just do it.

Here is a great article on building resilience:

https://psyche.co/guides/resilience-is-like-a-muscle-build-it-up-when-life-pulls-down