The true cost
"Deep breaths, keep taking deep breaths," I repeated to myself as Amelia screamed and squirmed in her stroller, clearly aware something was happening she didn't like. We slowly approached the security guard, mechanically repeating, "passports and tickets in hand, passports and tickets in hand, keep moving, passports and tickets in hand." I felt panic rising into the back of my throat as my stomach did that familiar flip flop. "You gave birth without an epidural and you've run a marathon, this is nothing." I told my otherwise secure self. I watched my parent's tear streaked faces fade away as I kept shoving "organic, kid friendly" cheetos into Amelia's hands. I was balancing the cheetos bin on top of the stroller, pushing with one hand, passports and tickets in my mouth and pulling my double very organized neatly packed carry on bags with the other. We were in line at the airport to go through security to fly 10,000 miles back to Melbourne alone...together...for 24 hours. I was breathing thickly through my nose dreading the minutes to come. I had just had a 5 week vacation in NY with my parents, my family, my in laws, in the summer, on the beach, wine by night and sun by day, I was filled everyday with activities and people oohing and aahing over my now one year old toddler. I wasn't ready to surge into a 24 hour flight alone with that same toddler, I kept wondering when I would pee over the next day with Amelia in my lap. (don't worry I'll explain later how that works).
This is what you get when you decide to make your home in probably the farthest location you can imagine from where you grew up. I remember thinking about Australia when I was younger and thinking I would NEVER fly for 24 hours, that's insane. Fast forward 20 years and just for fun let's do it with a one year old, in your lap. I'm not sure what was funnier when we boarded our first flight out of New York, Amelia having a temper tantrum that she couldn't crawl down the aisles while everyone was trying to stuff their luggage into overhead compartments or the look of the 20 something guy assigned to the seat next to me. When he came to take his seat, there sat Amelia calmly looking at her animal book, sitting in his seat, she looked up and gave him one of her best teethy grins and he just looked at me and and flatly stated, "that's my seat." "Oh, I know, don't worry, she doesn't have a seat, she's on my lap, hang on." I moved as quickly as I could clearly the books, food, blankets and pillows that had already strewn their way across the two seats, I picked up Amelia, put her in my seat and then stood in front of her. "There ya go." He looked a little like I felt back in that security line. I'm not sure why I took pleasure out of seeing this look of dread, 6 hours next to a toddler. Lucky for him, Amelia slept that whole flight, and he made NO attempt at helping me as I tried balancing Amelia in one arm after the flight landed and pull down my carry on with the other. Luckily no one was hurt in the process.
The true cost of living abroad. We got this beautiful 5 week holiday with our families and Amelia soaked in every minute of family and cousins and adventure that she could, but it sadly happens once a year, then we return to our other routine for 11 months of daycare and play dates and music class and no family coming over and no babysitters and no nights away. This is the story of many families I know. I have several friends in Australia that are from other countries and have families. No one is making a huge attempt to move back home but no one is either advocating for how easy it is to have a child either.
I read an interesting article this morning about having a village to raise a child. It's an old saying and I have repeated it many times over the years working with families and always advocating for parents to have support systems. No one is wired to do to it alone. I have gotten used to living this way, without a grandparent to call when Amelia gets sick or an option other than Amelia sitting in her stroller loaded with books while I sit in a dentist chair next to her. There are no daytime sitters or date nights away. We have gotten a sitter twice in her 14 months because its nearly a day's pay for one evening away and that doesn't even include the cost of the night out. All of these things though I have slowly grown accustomed to, but one of things I miss the most in returning to our life in Melbourne is watching Amelia's face when family come to see her. She adores being around other people other than mom and dad, and she loved her grandparents and aunties and cousins doting over her. In Melbourne, no one specifically comes around to see her, and that I haven't grown accustomed to.
There are many great things to living in Australia, and I know that off the top of my head because a week doesn't go by in my life that we don't talk about whether this is the right option, living here, and for how long we might live here, and what living somewhere else would look like. In Melbourne, we all have free health care, you can get a medical apt. the same day you call, we both have jobs we love and pay well and support families. I had a year paid maternity leave, we live one block to the beach, and there is an abundance of activities, festivals, parks and nature to love. There is a long list of things we love about Melbourne, we have some great friends and have started to really bond with other families with children the same age.
I went abroad several years ago and over the years have had some major ups and downs. Ups that would have never happened if I had stayed in New York, and downs as well. There is a true cost to living abroad and a greater cost with a child. One thing the plane ride (and yes we did survive to tell the tale) reminded me again was, take each moment as it passes. Both of the legs of our plane was delayed, so the normal 24 hour flight had an extra 5 hours flying time. We had an emergency landing in Hawaii for a medical reason and couldn't deboard, so that flight, normally 15.5 hours was 19 hours. I had to just stay focused on the moment at hand, time to sleep, eat, pee, play, etc, there was no time to think about how much longer and how I would survive another 12 hours in this seat with Amelia, it just wasn't doable. By the way since you're dying to know, I learned to use the airplane bathroom by balancing Amelia sitting on the change table that fold down above the toilet while crouching below it and keeping her from falling using my back as a brace. It really is hard to describe, but in the end, we figured it out. Luckily, we are blessed with a truly happy social little girl, who adored all of her "fans" on the plane as she walked up and down and up and down the aisles.... for 19 hours. :)
This is what you get when you decide to make your home in probably the farthest location you can imagine from where you grew up. I remember thinking about Australia when I was younger and thinking I would NEVER fly for 24 hours, that's insane. Fast forward 20 years and just for fun let's do it with a one year old, in your lap. I'm not sure what was funnier when we boarded our first flight out of New York, Amelia having a temper tantrum that she couldn't crawl down the aisles while everyone was trying to stuff their luggage into overhead compartments or the look of the 20 something guy assigned to the seat next to me. When he came to take his seat, there sat Amelia calmly looking at her animal book, sitting in his seat, she looked up and gave him one of her best teethy grins and he just looked at me and and flatly stated, "that's my seat." "Oh, I know, don't worry, she doesn't have a seat, she's on my lap, hang on." I moved as quickly as I could clearly the books, food, blankets and pillows that had already strewn their way across the two seats, I picked up Amelia, put her in my seat and then stood in front of her. "There ya go." He looked a little like I felt back in that security line. I'm not sure why I took pleasure out of seeing this look of dread, 6 hours next to a toddler. Lucky for him, Amelia slept that whole flight, and he made NO attempt at helping me as I tried balancing Amelia in one arm after the flight landed and pull down my carry on with the other. Luckily no one was hurt in the process.
The true cost of living abroad. We got this beautiful 5 week holiday with our families and Amelia soaked in every minute of family and cousins and adventure that she could, but it sadly happens once a year, then we return to our other routine for 11 months of daycare and play dates and music class and no family coming over and no babysitters and no nights away. This is the story of many families I know. I have several friends in Australia that are from other countries and have families. No one is making a huge attempt to move back home but no one is either advocating for how easy it is to have a child either.
I read an interesting article this morning about having a village to raise a child. It's an old saying and I have repeated it many times over the years working with families and always advocating for parents to have support systems. No one is wired to do to it alone. I have gotten used to living this way, without a grandparent to call when Amelia gets sick or an option other than Amelia sitting in her stroller loaded with books while I sit in a dentist chair next to her. There are no daytime sitters or date nights away. We have gotten a sitter twice in her 14 months because its nearly a day's pay for one evening away and that doesn't even include the cost of the night out. All of these things though I have slowly grown accustomed to, but one of things I miss the most in returning to our life in Melbourne is watching Amelia's face when family come to see her. She adores being around other people other than mom and dad, and she loved her grandparents and aunties and cousins doting over her. In Melbourne, no one specifically comes around to see her, and that I haven't grown accustomed to.
There are many great things to living in Australia, and I know that off the top of my head because a week doesn't go by in my life that we don't talk about whether this is the right option, living here, and for how long we might live here, and what living somewhere else would look like. In Melbourne, we all have free health care, you can get a medical apt. the same day you call, we both have jobs we love and pay well and support families. I had a year paid maternity leave, we live one block to the beach, and there is an abundance of activities, festivals, parks and nature to love. There is a long list of things we love about Melbourne, we have some great friends and have started to really bond with other families with children the same age.
I went abroad several years ago and over the years have had some major ups and downs. Ups that would have never happened if I had stayed in New York, and downs as well. There is a true cost to living abroad and a greater cost with a child. One thing the plane ride (and yes we did survive to tell the tale) reminded me again was, take each moment as it passes. Both of the legs of our plane was delayed, so the normal 24 hour flight had an extra 5 hours flying time. We had an emergency landing in Hawaii for a medical reason and couldn't deboard, so that flight, normally 15.5 hours was 19 hours. I had to just stay focused on the moment at hand, time to sleep, eat, pee, play, etc, there was no time to think about how much longer and how I would survive another 12 hours in this seat with Amelia, it just wasn't doable. By the way since you're dying to know, I learned to use the airplane bathroom by balancing Amelia sitting on the change table that fold down above the toilet while crouching below it and keeping her from falling using my back as a brace. It really is hard to describe, but in the end, we figured it out. Luckily, we are blessed with a truly happy social little girl, who adored all of her "fans" on the plane as she walked up and down and up and down the aisles.... for 19 hours. :)
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