To where do I owe inspiration?
Do you love that phrase that people use sometimes after you say something upsetting or bad that's happened and then that guy looks at you and says "welcome to real life." Who is that guy, where did he decide what real life was and why does he think he needs to tell me about it. You want my real opinion, that guy doesn't have a gosh darn clue about life, but is happy someone else found misery like himself. Stop welcoming me to anything other than today, thank you.
I have been in one those "moods" lately, you know what mood I am talking about, where things are a bit placid, where it hasn't rained in a while, the pond is sitting still, no large rocks are being thrown about, no waves to look at. Do you know that you can never go to the same river twice because the water is constantly moving, and any spot you choose to go to, the second time you come back, its completely different, but yet it can look the same. This mood needs a large rock. I think maybe I am that rock.
I have wished several times in my life that I could be complacent, but I just wasn't born that way so I am finally learning to accept it. I like silence more in my "old" age, I like rivers, lakes, oceans, I like moving water I think for the exact reason I wrote about, its constantly changing, challenging you, offering you a chance. Cities don't offer that, you have to fight for it. You can't walk to the same bench everyday and expect a different scene, the people change clothes and the ads change products, but its the same story at a different time of day. I suppose I get bored because of this, I have always gotten bored too quickly, the same hum drum of reality is old, I don't want new clothes, or a bathing suit that fits me, I don't to eat at the new restaurant or ever go to a shopping mall again, I want to be challenged and I want to challenge others. I want to love and be loved. It's pretty simple and yet impossible at the same time. I have learned about the things I love, and I have learned that if I am not challenged in some way, if my pond sits idle for too long, I start heaving rocks in the air and screaming loud enough to make the water move.
What is real life? I wish someone could give me an insight. Someone very wise once told me to write down all the things that are the most important to me and then to make sure that I make time for them every single day. When we don't make time for what we love each day of our lives, we live days lost and days become weeks, to months and soon enough years, where time has become lost and we are too deep in our hole to find an easy way out. I really admire this advice. I admire the people that have brought me here. To my complacent little home in Santiago, Chile, to this night and this blog spot, many people have brought me here, but I miss the dirt floors and the cold water and picking ants out of the bread, having stuff, being comfortable gets old, tiringly quickly.
I reread an email I sent home to friends and family on Feb. 18 last year, it was ten days before the BIG earthquake, it was almost 6 months after I moved here and it was almost a year ago. Rereading that email was like a time warp, my struggle with speaking, my experiences at the hogar, my overall love and drive for life. I can't believe 11 months have gone by since that email, but I just reread it and my life was so completely different then. Life has become complacent in some ways, I took an office job, I worked a shit load to pay off bills, and save up money, I drank a lot of wine, I curled up on the couch with an English friend through the winter talking about th meaning of life, then burst at the starting line in September with the warm weather and did as much as I could in the outdoors, and now it's January, it's the middle of summer, and I need direction. Funny how the coming of the new year makes people feel like they have to take decisions, something about the "new year" people start dieting, running, eating better, working less or more, loving more or less, etc etc....I guess it doesn't matter if I am in 5 feet of snow or sweating my butt off I feel the coming of the new year. Welcome to real life Meghan. (Shut up I think in my head).
Decisions have never been easy for me, I don't like change unless I am in control of it, but somehow recently I have grown. I have grown a lot since moving to South America, I see change as opportunity now, I see endings as beginnings and everything in a circular motion. Nothing ever ends it just changes direction, like the river. I am going to take my big rock and give it a heave soon, as I soon as I make it to the shore of the pond, I'm gonna jump in. It's going to be the process of getting there that will be difficult, but this time, definitely not the jump.
I have been in one those "moods" lately, you know what mood I am talking about, where things are a bit placid, where it hasn't rained in a while, the pond is sitting still, no large rocks are being thrown about, no waves to look at. Do you know that you can never go to the same river twice because the water is constantly moving, and any spot you choose to go to, the second time you come back, its completely different, but yet it can look the same. This mood needs a large rock. I think maybe I am that rock.
I have wished several times in my life that I could be complacent, but I just wasn't born that way so I am finally learning to accept it. I like silence more in my "old" age, I like rivers, lakes, oceans, I like moving water I think for the exact reason I wrote about, its constantly changing, challenging you, offering you a chance. Cities don't offer that, you have to fight for it. You can't walk to the same bench everyday and expect a different scene, the people change clothes and the ads change products, but its the same story at a different time of day. I suppose I get bored because of this, I have always gotten bored too quickly, the same hum drum of reality is old, I don't want new clothes, or a bathing suit that fits me, I don't to eat at the new restaurant or ever go to a shopping mall again, I want to be challenged and I want to challenge others. I want to love and be loved. It's pretty simple and yet impossible at the same time. I have learned about the things I love, and I have learned that if I am not challenged in some way, if my pond sits idle for too long, I start heaving rocks in the air and screaming loud enough to make the water move.
What is real life? I wish someone could give me an insight. Someone very wise once told me to write down all the things that are the most important to me and then to make sure that I make time for them every single day. When we don't make time for what we love each day of our lives, we live days lost and days become weeks, to months and soon enough years, where time has become lost and we are too deep in our hole to find an easy way out. I really admire this advice. I admire the people that have brought me here. To my complacent little home in Santiago, Chile, to this night and this blog spot, many people have brought me here, but I miss the dirt floors and the cold water and picking ants out of the bread, having stuff, being comfortable gets old, tiringly quickly.
I reread an email I sent home to friends and family on Feb. 18 last year, it was ten days before the BIG earthquake, it was almost 6 months after I moved here and it was almost a year ago. Rereading that email was like a time warp, my struggle with speaking, my experiences at the hogar, my overall love and drive for life. I can't believe 11 months have gone by since that email, but I just reread it and my life was so completely different then. Life has become complacent in some ways, I took an office job, I worked a shit load to pay off bills, and save up money, I drank a lot of wine, I curled up on the couch with an English friend through the winter talking about th meaning of life, then burst at the starting line in September with the warm weather and did as much as I could in the outdoors, and now it's January, it's the middle of summer, and I need direction. Funny how the coming of the new year makes people feel like they have to take decisions, something about the "new year" people start dieting, running, eating better, working less or more, loving more or less, etc etc....I guess it doesn't matter if I am in 5 feet of snow or sweating my butt off I feel the coming of the new year. Welcome to real life Meghan. (Shut up I think in my head).
Decisions have never been easy for me, I don't like change unless I am in control of it, but somehow recently I have grown. I have grown a lot since moving to South America, I see change as opportunity now, I see endings as beginnings and everything in a circular motion. Nothing ever ends it just changes direction, like the river. I am going to take my big rock and give it a heave soon, as I soon as I make it to the shore of the pond, I'm gonna jump in. It's going to be the process of getting there that will be difficult, but this time, definitely not the jump.
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