"I have saved things much less beautiful than this."
"I have saved things much less beautiful than this," Brooke says as he stares at his homemade despidida card in a small tucked away bar in Bellas Artes. We watched him read it, touch his fingertips to the cloth front and smile, "thank you" he looks up and smiles with his eyes. Pablo stood and gave a very funny and yet heart wrenching speech of the last two years of knowing our director of the small NGO that has slowly become my second life in Chile. I am sure it had something to do with the dark lighting of the room, the 40 or so people crowded into the corner, the bottles of wine floating about the table, or watching Brooke's eyes as he opened his card, but I felt the warmth rush over. I understood everything that Pablo was saying, and I flashed back to a little over 10 months ago walking into a strange cold city with not much of a clue of what was happening. Time is nothing but what we make of it, if I didn't know that 10 months had gone by, I would tell you it was years ago that I didn't understand chilean spanish, or what a cheela was.
Learning to say goodbye has become easier in the last year, watching people come and go in your life, leave bits and pieces of their soul, stories that stick with you, but always smiles and laughter, those always last the longest. One conversation that comes back into my mind recently happened well over a year ago with a friend regarding moving to South America and living in another country. I had played with the idea of living in a volunteer house on a dirt road in a small town in Peru, about 8 hours from civilization (and while I still plan on going there...someday) we were talking about this plan and she suddenly look at me with conviction and remarks... this is why you choose to be single. You are just starting the process of letting go before you have to learn to live with no one but yourself. If you plan to move to a country where you don't even speak the language, have a clue about the culture and will know no one, maybe you are just preparing yourself for what it might feel like to be alone?
I remember this conversation very vividly after ending a serious long term relationship and feeling alone in more than one sense for the first time in a while. I realized as many things happen for a reason, the end of this relationship was really only just the beginning of the prep work that I would need to get myself to a foriegn country with not much more than me, some hope, an open mind, and the ability to try anything once. Maybe she was right after all, saying hello and goodbye so many times in the last year has not left me scared, but yet more and more grateful to have known the people I have known and ready for more.
So what have I been up in the almost year I have been gone? Here is a brief recap of life such far...
I volunteered as a full time volunteer in a home for adolescent girls about 30 hours a week in a small poverty ridden section of Santiago, Chile for 6 months. In those 6 months, I met some incredible people from all over the world, learned a bit of spanish, traveled to different parts of Chile and Argentina on 2 big trips and lived in three different apartments, phew.
Next, I took a director position with the NGO I had volunteered with and moved from working in the hogar to working in an offhice about 50 hours a week organizing all the programs that the Volunteers run with the children in the 7 active homes, schools and after school centers we work with. Programs that include sports, arts, english, math, reading, and health related activities such as mental health and physical health. I also educate and train the volunteers on evidence based skills on how to work with children from abusive, neglectful backgrounds. Lastly I educate myself on the childean social welfare system and try to learn all of that in Spanish before the end of the day.I moved to my fourth and most recent apartment and finally got a big girl bed and my own bathroom...bought a bike, took another trip to Uruguay and Argentina, met more incredible people, tried to learn more spanish, got my feet wet in different ways. Felt alive and visited family and friends for a summer in NY.
I sat a week ago on the couch of the same friend that had distilled wisdom on me almost exactly a year ago about how I spent the year before South America learning to be alone. I told her about my adventures, my everday life, my constant wish I could get more hours of sleep, or make school debt go away with a blink of an eye...and whether like the dark bar where I watched Brooke say goodbye to a room full of friends and feeling a wash of contentment and breath wash over me...I got it on her brown couch in the living room. I did it, I thought. Holy shit, I don't live here anymore, I really actually made those late night page surfing, picture staring dreams come true. I spent this past year in Chile not learning to be alone, but rather, learning to live life in a way that I always thought could be possible.
Goodnight Santiago. Until next time.
Learning to say goodbye has become easier in the last year, watching people come and go in your life, leave bits and pieces of their soul, stories that stick with you, but always smiles and laughter, those always last the longest. One conversation that comes back into my mind recently happened well over a year ago with a friend regarding moving to South America and living in another country. I had played with the idea of living in a volunteer house on a dirt road in a small town in Peru, about 8 hours from civilization (and while I still plan on going there...someday) we were talking about this plan and she suddenly look at me with conviction and remarks... this is why you choose to be single. You are just starting the process of letting go before you have to learn to live with no one but yourself. If you plan to move to a country where you don't even speak the language, have a clue about the culture and will know no one, maybe you are just preparing yourself for what it might feel like to be alone?
I remember this conversation very vividly after ending a serious long term relationship and feeling alone in more than one sense for the first time in a while. I realized as many things happen for a reason, the end of this relationship was really only just the beginning of the prep work that I would need to get myself to a foriegn country with not much more than me, some hope, an open mind, and the ability to try anything once. Maybe she was right after all, saying hello and goodbye so many times in the last year has not left me scared, but yet more and more grateful to have known the people I have known and ready for more.
So what have I been up in the almost year I have been gone? Here is a brief recap of life such far...
I volunteered as a full time volunteer in a home for adolescent girls about 30 hours a week in a small poverty ridden section of Santiago, Chile for 6 months. In those 6 months, I met some incredible people from all over the world, learned a bit of spanish, traveled to different parts of Chile and Argentina on 2 big trips and lived in three different apartments, phew.
Next, I took a director position with the NGO I had volunteered with and moved from working in the hogar to working in an offhice about 50 hours a week organizing all the programs that the Volunteers run with the children in the 7 active homes, schools and after school centers we work with. Programs that include sports, arts, english, math, reading, and health related activities such as mental health and physical health. I also educate and train the volunteers on evidence based skills on how to work with children from abusive, neglectful backgrounds. Lastly I educate myself on the childean social welfare system and try to learn all of that in Spanish before the end of the day.I moved to my fourth and most recent apartment and finally got a big girl bed and my own bathroom...bought a bike, took another trip to Uruguay and Argentina, met more incredible people, tried to learn more spanish, got my feet wet in different ways. Felt alive and visited family and friends for a summer in NY.
I sat a week ago on the couch of the same friend that had distilled wisdom on me almost exactly a year ago about how I spent the year before South America learning to be alone. I told her about my adventures, my everday life, my constant wish I could get more hours of sleep, or make school debt go away with a blink of an eye...and whether like the dark bar where I watched Brooke say goodbye to a room full of friends and feeling a wash of contentment and breath wash over me...I got it on her brown couch in the living room. I did it, I thought. Holy shit, I don't live here anymore, I really actually made those late night page surfing, picture staring dreams come true. I spent this past year in Chile not learning to be alone, but rather, learning to live life in a way that I always thought could be possible.
Goodnight Santiago. Until next time.
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