A blessing and a curse

I wondered as I was walking where inspiration comes from. My earphones were in, it was a sunny day and I had on two pairs of pants. I walked quickly, cause as normal, I was used to being late to wherever I was heading, this time to pilates class and didn't want to miss a minute of my 50 minutes of relaxation and toning. Something had escaped me and yet was burning inside. I couldn't figure out what it was. It started when I woke up that morning. A sense of urgency, the inability to sit still, to hold a thought, to finish an email. I hated the computer that I worked on, I hated the chair I sat in, I couldn't keep my breath from exhaling loudly. Why was I so stir crazy. I wanted to be outside in the sun shine, running and jumping and basking in joy, but instead I had to send 74 emails, and 26 in Spanish which took me twice the time to write. A blessing and a curse it dawned on me as I hurried down the crowded sidewalk towards pilates.


I thought all through the class, the walk back, the bus ride, the office, the run, the dinner, the glasses of wine...and the days that always turn into weeks...until I could get here and put it in black and white. What was I talking about? Bottled energy. BAM, the light bulb went off. I woke up this morning and wanted my daily dose of vitamin C, I cracked open a new bottle of carbonated water, a new favorite upon moving to Santiago, Chile and immediately the bottle flowed over, too many bubbles had gotten shaken up. I wiped up the mess, split open my 500 gram dose of Vitamin C and started to pour it in, when the chemical reaction was too much and again a toppling of carbonated water came overflowing the little hole on top. I poured out 2/3 of the bottle and tried again. I grabbed my bag and rushed out the door, with my bubbling Vitamin C breakfast. (I refuse to get sick in this very foggy, not so healthy city.) BOTTLED ENERGY. I realized again. The bottle overspilled because it had been shaken up and then left to sit still, until that point the water was fine, it would have sat idle and waiting in the bottle.

I was like a carbonated bottle of water that needed to be opened? Maybe.

A blessing and a curse. I think it's more about passion. When anyone sits idle for too long, life becomes too predictable, too stale. Many times I have written about the paths we choose everyday bring us to a different conclusion at the end of the day regardless of the changes you didn't notice that happened. When we think too much about the past, we live with regret, when we worry too much about the future, we live with anxiety and fear. When we live in the present, we accept peace, creativity, newness, and the ability to open our eyes and our minds to what lies around us. My passion was stirring inside again on this walk to pilates class, on the bus rides, and the metro rides, and the frustrating Spanish sentences I try to spit out, and the desire to run and dance and sing and play and be me.


I realized as I wrote, and I thought, and mostly as I continued to open my mind to new possibilities everyday and in every moment that I was ready to live in the present without fear, or regret, that I was ready for a bigger challenge. I have personally keyed it the first class syndrome. As I would never call myself as someone from a first class anything and don't even know what that section of a plane or restaurant looks like...The first class syndrome stems from people that have had beautiful lives, in that they have been loved, cared for and taught the best skills in life, such as resilience and hope. Regardless of backgrounds, cultures, classes, single parent homes, bread on the table or not...you can learn these important skills. I think when you get them...truly, then you constantly search for more. In what way can I grow today, can I challenge myself, someone else, what can I learn to do, who I can get to know?

I felt my passion burning lately for a challenge, Tengo ganas para algo nuevo en mi vida. I am soooo far from being fluent in Spanish, but I simply love that there is times when I can only express a thought in Spanish that just doesn't exist in English. In the long run, I was born with this blessing and curse. I have too much energy, I always have. I used to not understand when someone told me they were tired (I have many friends that can attest to this) and they couldn't do something. What did it mean to be tired? To turn something down...to not work 14 hours a day and still be ready to run, cook, and be social? Maybe I have too much energy or maybe I just have enough. The days where I have to sit and write 74 emails, my carbonated bottle of energy inside is shaking, rattling and rolling and I rush to a pilates class or to home to strip into a pair of running shoes. My energy has opened doors for me throughout life and I am excited to see what awaits me next. I fill the bottle overflowing. Verémos.


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